Honor: 72 [ Give / Take ]
14 entries this month
bleh
01:36 Apr 28 2009
Times Read: 1,088
I haven't even been awake for an hour and I'm hitting the coffee already. It's going to be a very caffeinated day for me.
My brain isn't letting up. I wont be getting any peace in my dreams any time soon. Luckily it's only enough to make me tired, instead of constantly waking me up.
I spoke to my mother this morning. She said that my former co workers 12 year old son was arrested for beating up his grandmother last weekend. That's just fucking ridiculous. I may only be 5'6" and my nephew is most likely 6'+ these days, but he knows that if he ever did something like that to my mom... I'd either drive or fly home just to kick the shit out of him myself. Honestly.. I think he has a brain enough to turn himself in if he knew I was coming after him. Some people just let their kids get away with too much horseshit these days.
=(01:11 Apr 28 2009
Times Read: 1,090
Gawd I miss her already.
It's been entirely too quiet without her... and she only just left. *sigh*
Ouch
02:28 Apr 27 2009
Times Read: 1,105
I relived a minor terror from my childhood last week. 'Growing pains' is what my mom used to describe those random pains you got as a kid. I remember out of nowhere once as I was getting ready for school when I was younger I got a muscle cramp. The same kind that you get in your calf, the only problem was that I got it in the side of my neck. All I remember is my mom calling school and telling them that both me and my sister weren't coming in. My mom went to work, and my sister got to sit at home and keep an eye on me. I remembering laying on the couch and screaming on and off until I finally fell asleep a couple of hours later.
Well... years later the pain is about as fun as I remember it. I've just learned to control my screaming. I was scrubbing the shower the other day, and I got a sharp pain at the base of my skull. I Lifted my head up to try and compensate for the pain, and it hit me. My eyes rolled instinctively and the pain made me dizzy. It sucks just as much as I remember. I have to say the back of the neck is just as bad as the side of the neck. I was able to stretch out the majority of the cramp, but my neck is still sore. Yaaay pain. =/
I'm just a bit floored
00:12 Apr 24 2009
Times Read: 1,125
Well. I've gone on and on about how much I could do if I actually applied myself at a job. Today something happened at work that shocked the hell out of me.
I had the last 5 days off. So naturally my body waits till last night (my first day back at work) to decide that I'm sick. I spent a lot of my shift in the bathroom... to the point that I was considering dragging a computer in there and working from the handicapped stall (o.0 It seems I'm a bit of a work-a-holic, now that I actually read what I was considering). So I was ready to go home when my relief got in. My boss stalled. He wanted me to stay, which is fine because it was busy. He actually had valid reason. People were congratulating me this morning. About 4 different people. I thought they were all mistaken. There's about 5 or 6 employees at my work with different variations of my name, so naturally I thought they meant someone else. It happens more than one would think. As it was getting time for me to leave, I was hurrying to help people so I could get the hell out of work already. I don't like being stuck in morning traffic. I noticed a bunch of managers gathered in the lobby area. o.0 My first thought was 'oh shit! medical code!' because that's usually what is going on when all of the bosses gather in one place. They waited for the last person I was helping to leave and they walked up to me. The only thing that kept my asshole from puckering was the fact that I knew they couldn't lay me off in public. My department head presented me with an award, and they all cheered. Apparently I won manager of the quarter for the beginning of this year. o.0 I'm a little shocked. I never expected this considering I'm just an overnight grunt. I get a free night in a nice hotel downtown, parking garage privileges for the next 3 months, a little award trophy, and I'm in the running for manager of the year, which if by some snowballs chance in hell I actually won, would mean a fat bonus check. We'll see how the rest of the year develops.
And here I thought my boss was stalling this morning because he was worried that I was quitting along with the rest of the people on my shift that are.
Stupid computer
23:48 Apr 23 2009
Times Read: 1,126
This time yesterday my POS craptop was completely dead. I have no idea why it's working now, but it is. I may not be on for long before it decides it's time to die again. If that's the case... I'll be logging on when I can. Which unfortunately will mean, only at public library's for a while. SO.... if I disappear no worries. Just computer issues. Plus I can still use YIM and twitter on my phone for those interested.
00:06 Apr 20 2009
Times Read: 1,138
I'm not suicidal. I really wish people wouldn't see it that way. If I were I wouldn't write about it. I'd just do it. But enough of that.
I'm just disappointed with life sometimes. My job holds no meaning for me. The only good things about it are the fact that I'm good at it, it's pretty secure, it pays the bills (somewhat) and I like the people I work with.
It doesn't challenge me. I don't learn. My actions are repetitive more than anything. I don't like the hours as they leave very little room for a social life. (not that I have much of one anyway haha)
I just need to figure out what I want to do to find more meaning in my life. I had my heart set on DVM, but I'm not sure I could handle that. I would want to save them all, and you just can't. I would want to treat all of the animals that cross my path regardless of whether or not people could pay me for it. I'd probably put myself in the poorhouse doing that. That dream will have to wait until I don't have to worry about the financial aspect of my life.
What I need to do is sit down and figure out what will make me happy. What I expect out of a career, and a relationship. What I want in life.
It will just take some time for me to figure it out, and in the meantime I'll be ranting on and off because I'm oh so good at it.
;P
interesting
23:37 Apr 18 2009
Times Read: 1,143
One of my friends recently described me as having the mannerisms of a feline, and the instincts of a lupine.
If they had tossed in the soul of a phoenix... I don't think they would have been far off.
Here there and everywhere...
23:15 Apr 18 2009
Times Read: 1,146
I've had my nose buried in books lately. I don't think I'm going to let up any time soon. It's a passion of mine that has been stirred again.
Score!
17:10 Apr 14 2009
Times Read: 1,167
So I worked the crap shift on Easter that no one else wanted to work. I just kind of told them I was doing it. I didn't give anyone the opportunity to have to be begged to do it, or to bitch or boohoo cause they got stuck with it. I just decided it would be easier if I did it myself. Well in the end it paid off. I had been trying to buy NIN tickets for the last week, and I've been pretty vocal about my displeasure with ticketmaster being a cocksucker and not letting me purchase the tickets. Well... work bought me NIN tickets for the shift I picked up. FUCKING AWESOME!!! =) I'm so happy I could pee. o.0 I could, but I wont.... not till I have to anyway.
Happy Birfday tooooo meeeee....11:07 Apr 13 2009
Times Read: 1,184
Happy belated zombie jeebus day everyone. I wasn't on at all yesterday considering I was up partying till 4am, and I finally made it to sleep sometime around 5am. *grins like a Cheshire cat*
It was a fun night! WC made some killer grub. Nacho's, jalapeno poppers, and quiche. I made my own cake, and saved that extra $$ for booze instead. We nixed going to the local bar and decided to stay in and play a few games at home. After a much needed trip to the liquor store of course!
I adore everyone for dressing up for me. ♥ It was fun. I think I'll do a theme party from now on. Hmmmm what to do next year?
Anyway... here's a few pics. Let me know what you think. ;)
i don't know...
19:21 Apr 08 2009
Times Read: 1,214
How many hours do I need to lay in bed in order to be able to sleep? I've taken otc sleep meds and still nothing. I doubt this rambling will help either. I've been thinking a lot lately, about my life. Life in general. I tried to kill myself when I was sixteen. I failed obviously. I shouldn't have, but I did. I shouldn't have woken up anywhere other than a hospital, and at the very least my liver should have given out by now for what I did to it that night. I don't know. I guess I hoped that since I lived through something I shouldn't have, that there would be some greater meaning to my life. There isn't. I haven't amounted to anything. I've learned that trying to be selfless and kind gets you walked all over. I've learned that loyalty doesn't mean anything to people that you want it to. I've learned that people can and will take advantage of me. I've learned that I should always listen to my instincts before my heart. I've learned that there are some things in life that you need to ask for... and then there are some you just can't. I've learned that the government rewards bad behavior and punishes good behavior. I've learned that just because you love someone doesn't mean you should be with them. I've learned that family will always have your back. I've learned that there are some people who will fight for you even when you don't expect them too. I learned that there are people who will sucker punch you for being honest about what kind of person they are. I've learned to heed the warnings of those I trust. I've learned the true meaning of hypocrisy. All these things and so very many more... and it all adds up to nothing. I do nothing. I work a shitty job, for shitty pay, and decent benefits. I don't make a difference to anyone on any given day. I know there are people that love me... and people I love. The truth is, the world will keep on spinning when I'm gone. Lives will continue. The world doesn't stop with me. I don't expect it to. I was just hoping that I could figure out how to contribute more before I am gone. As each day passes.. I find that less, and less likely. So I ask again.. when I was sixteen... why the fuck am I still here?
18:30 Apr 06 2009
Times Read: 1,230
The last few days at work have been a nightmare... I spent the majority of my morning chatting with someone close to me having major surgery today (incase it's the last time I get to talk to them)... now it's time to go take a nap so I can spend time with one of the most important people in my life before I go to work tonight.
A huge thank you for everyone who has made me smile over the last week or so. Things have been rough on me.
04:34 Apr 03 2009
Times Read: 1,249
I got my review the other day. My boss used the word exceptional a lot. I think this should make me feel really good. I know that I get my job done, and 90% of the time my attention to detail exceeds most other peoples.
I feel.. odd about it though. The truth is, if I had to guess how much I actually have to apply myself.. I'd say in reality it's maybe roughly 10%. I'm not forced to think. Yeah I use problem solving skills, but for the most part it's repetitive not requiring much thought at all from me.
It makes me wonder what I could do if I were forced to apply myself 90%.
This isn't my chosen field. It's work.. and a secure job. Which is a must have.. considering I watched 2 more coworkers get laid off last week.
I just know that I could be doing... more. The question is... how much?
hmm
04:25 Apr 02 2009
Times Read: 1,258
I'm making oatmeal raisin cookies. I've never made them before..
it's sticky and messy.
I hate making cookies. hahah
COMMENTS
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LadyxDarkxRayne
23:00 Apr 28 2009
maybe we needs to make you a dreamcatcher?
Omg that is horrible and i agree i'd do the same thing kick that kids ass myself !